TODDLER ARTICLES
Published: March, 2024
Toilet Learning
"Every child who has been freed, who knows how to care for himself, how to put his shoes on, to dress and undress without help, mirrors in his merriment, the reflection of human dignity; because human dignity is born of the sentiment of one's independence."
Kelly, Tina, Potty training: Time for a change! Orlando Sentinel, New York Times, October 5, 2005
Toilet learning is a significant milestone in a child's life. It is part of childhood development and something that children will achieve through their efforts. Toilet learning should not be confused with "Potty training" or "Sphincter Control."
Potty training is "training a child to learn how to use the toilet; an adult trains the child and usually has a reward and punishment process. Potty training is unnatural for human beings.
Sphincter control is a process of maturation of the sacral nerves and muscles in the bladder, anal sphincters, colon, and rectum. This goes along with the development of the nervous system and movement milestones (myelination).
Toilet learning can be defined as assisting the child in recognizing their bodily needs, providing language so they can communicate said needs, providing assistance with dressing and undressing, and connecting all these dots so the child can achieve full control of bladder and bowel movements by using the toilet and dressing/undressing independently.
There are three aspects of toilet learning:
- Physiological: motor skills
- Psychological: language, emotions, body awareness
- Assistance provided by the adult: proper assistance, opportunity for independence, positive feedback
"If the child is given the proper assistance, in what nature intended to be the harmonious development and integration of his physical and psychological being, the function depends upon appropriate cultural influences and upon the adult receiving the necessary information and support."
Merry L. Hadden
In the Infant (Toddler) Community, we start the Toilet Learning process from the first day the child sets foot in the environment! How?
- We change the diapers in the bathroom; the child is standing up and participating in the process by pulling down/up their pants.
- We provide language by describing what we are doing "I am going to wipe your butt, you have poopoo, we need to wipe it off" "Now you are clean, let's get a clean, dry diaper on you."
- We remind them to wash their hands after the process.
- We use positive phrases and avoid negative comments such as "oh, that's gross."
As a society and culturally, we are used to seeing Toilet Learning as a "thing that happens around 2," and we commonly connect it with the use of underwear. Transitioning to underwear is just another step in Toilet Learning, and the use of it does not mean that your child is "ready" and will not have accidents anymore.
Cotton underwear provides precise sensorial information to the child. When urinating or defecating, the child will immediately notice and feel it and will want to do something about it. The process of not wetting or soiling underwear takes a long time, and our fear of "accidents" should not become an obstacle to this important event in our children's lives.
This topic may be intimidating for some adults, and these adult fears cause delays in this natural child's process. The most common causes of delaying are:
- Having a busy schedule
- Finances (buying the underwear, the use of washer, dryer, and detergent) **However, it is estimated that an American family spends around $1000 in diaper yearly**
- Significant schedule changes (moving to a new house, going on vacation, visiting grandparents, etc.)
At school, we are ready to start the transition to underwear as soon as you are. Your child will wet/soil their clothes many times. Crying, meltdowns, opposition, and car seat messes will happen no matter if you start now or in two months, as that is just part of the process!
I invite you to reconcile with these uncomfortable issues and make peace with Toilet learning so that together, we can support your child in achieving this important milestone.
The psychological aspect becomes the most important during this process, so how can we support the child without becoming emotionally involved?
- Prepare the environment
- Get all your supplies ready and have extras.
- Find ways to make the child feel confident, such as giving them a stool for their feet when using the toilet or a toilet ring.
- Routine and Consistency
a. Once you start using underwear, there's no going back!
b. Incorporate toileting into the child's routine. Invite your child to use the toilet before leaving the house, after meals, after coming in from outside, before and after nap/bedtime, etc.
3. Invite your child to use the toilet without asking, "It is time to use the toilet," or "Let's go to the bathroom; let's go together."
- Do not force a child to use the toilet or potty; however, this does not mean that you will allow them to urinate or defecate in random places like the garden, the bathtub, etc.
- Do not scold or over-congratulate
- Regressions are normal during this process; this issue tends to resolve if the adult does not make a big deal about it.
Toilet learning takes many months, and only your child knows how many, so…
Be consistent!
Trust your child!
Trust nature!
And most importantly… Be patient!
* An ecological fact about diapers and contamination: “An estimated 20 billion disposable diapers are added to landfills throughout the country each year, creating about 3.5 million tons of waste” By transitioning to underwear, you are not only helping your child but also our mother earth!
Published: January 2024
Language Development in Toddlers
“At one year of age the child says his first intentional word… his babbling has a purpose, and this intention is a proof of conscious intelligence. He becomes ever more aware that language refers to his surroundings, and his wish to master it consciously becomes also greater… Subconsciously and unaided, he strains himself to learn, and this effort makes his success all the more astonishing” - Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind, p.11
Dr. Montessori developed some philosophical concepts known as Sensitive Periods and Human Tendencies. She described Language as a Sensitive Period and Communication as a Human Tendency. What is the difference between Communication and Language, then?
A sensitive period is a window of opportunity for a child to develop a particular human characteristic or skill; these periods will not last forever. This window will open for a specific time, and we must provide the children with what they need at that moment to acquire this skill.
A Human Tendency is an inner force that urges us to develop or nurture a skill; these are present for the rest of our lives. Communication is a Human Tendency that impulses the child to learn Language when this window of opportunity opens, which happens from the 7th month in utero until the child is 2-3 years old. After three years old, language will continue developing, but the more significant acquisition has happened before that.
If we take what Dr. Montessori taught us, we can see how these two concepts are intertwined and need help from one another to develop.
One of the unique things about humans is that we are the only species that use language as a form of communication. Humans take years to develop language, but communication is present from the time the baby is in utero. Babies can communicate without language, and parents are wired to understand their babies' needs. Babies cry, giggle, make noises, and point to express their needs and feelings.
When we talk about language development in toddlers, we need to look beyond the purpose of communication (which is key!), but the purpose of adapting to the environment. Acquiring language will make children active members of their environment, culture, community, and family.
What does my child need to develop language?
There are some necessities for language development:
1. Healthy and functional auditory and vocal apparatuses: The digestive and respiratory systems take longer to mature when a baby is born. Thus, the common illnesses in babies and toddlers are related these systems; these issues may cause ear infections, which is a main cause of language delay in toddlers. When a child suffers from these common illnesses, we need to be more observant of language development and keep constant communication with our health providers.
2. A rich language environment: In Montessori, we believe that the most important "material" for language development is the adult. We are responsible for providing our children with a rich language environment. It is important to talk to your child not only to tell them what to do but to have conversations. Even when children do not speak, we must talk and model how to communicate.
3. The desire to speak: It is the only thing that comes from the child; however, this desire is nurtured by the other necessities described. The desire to speak will be present if the child is physically healthy and in a rich language environment. Also, knowing this helps us to understand that we cannot force children to speak, and we should not be speaking for them. All learning comes from a need, so if your child does not need to speak, the desire will dim.
How does the environment support language development?
In the Infant (Toddler) Community, we have an area designated for language developmental materials. We have real objects, replicas, objects and matching cards, nomenclature cards, books, songs, poems, and many other forms of rhythmic language.
Besides our dedicated shelves with language materials, throughout the day, we are exercising language skills:
· We greet children every morning and make eye contact when talking to them.
· We name everything we do around the classroom: "It is time to have a snack; who would like to help me set up the tables for a snack?" "Maria, let's go wash your hands for a snack," etc.
· We use precise language and avoid baby talk.
· We use a soft, friendly voice tone and avoid talking in a high-pitched voice.
· We read books, sing, take nature walks, and talk about it… we have lots of fun!
What can we do at home to support language development?
Bye, bye pacifier!
Pacifiers are one the most common obstacles to developing language skills. They may help some children soothe; however, the recommendation is to avoid them when actively interacting with children. Instead of providing a pacifier to comfort, it is better to give the child the words and human contact to express how they feel: "I see you are angry", "It seems like you are frustrated right now; do you need a hug?"
Avoid baby talk
Adults are wired to change the tone of voice when talking to children; using a friendly, soft tone is fine if your articulation and pronunciation are clear.
Avoid short names or silly words
"wawa" for water or "woof woof" for dog. Use the right words instead. Talk to your child: even if your child does not have spoken language yet, it is essential to talk to them. They usually point or say a word, for example, "Dog," and they point to the dog. This is an excellent opportunity to start a conversation: "See, a dog is walking across the street… See, it has brown fur and is wearing a green collar… oh did you see his legs? His legs are white…" etc.
Have family meals
While eating together, we can include our children in conversations, and they feel part of their community. Have them sit with you at the table and model appropriate conversations. Talk about where food comes from, what color the food is, and whether it is sweet, salty, hot, or cold; many topics can be brought up during mealtimes.
TV and other screen educational content does not count as learning a language. Research has shown that though exposure may help to gain words, these types of tools are not helping the child to acquire language or helping the child to learn how to communicate, children need human interaction to develop language and to learn how to communicate. Without human interaction, words lack meaning.
What about bilingualism?
Go for it!
· There's a lot of research going on about this topic, but we do know so far that children can learn more than one language during childhood without any problems.
· Be consistent in how you expose your child to two languages. One of the best ways for a child to absorb two languages simultaneously is with the One Language, One Adult rule. This is easier to follow in a school environment, so at home, the experts recommend speaking the native language of the child at home exclusively and using the second language when out of the house. This helps the child organize their thoughts and navigate the two languages more easily.
· The second language must be used as a part of everyday life and not done as a "teaching" session.
· Bilingualism should not be considered a cause of language delay, as further research has shown that children who are exposed to a rich bilingual language environment on a regular basis follow a similar course of language development as monolingual children.
· Exposing your child to more than one language opens more opportunities for them. What a gift you are giving them!
When to seek for professional help?
When you feel concerned about your child's language development, it is important to observe closely and keep a journal where you can track your child's development.
· Yes, we need to count the words and write them down. By age 2, most children speak about 50-100 words. If bilingual, you can count the words no matter the language; for example, they may have 15 words in Spanish and 40 in English, which means your child knows 55 words.
· Use simple two-word phrases, such as "more milk."
· Ask one or two-word questions, such as "Mommy's car?"
· Follow simple commands and understand simple questions like "Where are your shoes?" "Where is your nose?"
· Be understood at least half the time by adults who don't know the child.
If you do not notice a linear language development based on what we have described, please talk to your health provider and teacher. Together, we can help you get the help that your child needs.
"Once the child can speak, he can express himself and no longer depends on others to guess his needs. He finds himself in touch with human society, for people can only communicate by means of language… very soon afterward, at one year of age, the child begins to walk… So man develops by stages, and the freedom he enjoys comes from these steps towards independence taken in turn… Truly it is nature which affords the child the opportunity to grow; it is nature which bestows independence upon him and guides him to success in achieving his freedom."
- Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind, p. 78
Published: October, 2023
How to Help Toddlers Deal with Frustration
Toddlers often experience frustration as they navigate through their early years of development. Frustration is a normal and healthy part of their emotional growth, but it can be challenging for them to manage their emotions effectively. As caregivers and parents, it is crucial to provide guidance and support to help toddlers cope with frustration in a positive and constructive manner.
One of the first steps in helping toddlers with frustration is acknowledging their emotions. Validate their feelings by using phrases such as "I understand you are upset" or "I can see that you are frustrated." By doing so, you show empathy and let them know that their feelings are valid, while also providing them with a safe environment to express themselves.
Teaching Self-Expression: Toddlers often lack the ability to effectively express their emotions verbally. Encourage alternate forms of expression such as drawing, painting or using playdough. These activities can become helpful outlets for releasing frustration and can also aid in developing their cognitive and fine motor skills.
Offer Distractions: Redirecting a toddler's attention can be an effective way to help them manage frustration. Engage them in activities they enjoy, such as playing with their favorite toy, reading a storybook, or participating in interactive games. This shift in focus can help them calm down and redirect their energy towards something positive.
Establish Clear Boundaries and Routines: Toddlers thrive in a structured environment. By setting clear boundaries and routines, they gain a sense of stability and security, which in turn reduces frustration. A predictable daily routine helps manage expectations and minimize the chances of unexpected situations leading to frustration.
Teach Problem-Solving Skills: As toddlers develop their cognitive abilities, they can learn basic problem-solving skills. Involve them in simple decision-making processes, offering them choices within appropriate limits. Teaching them problem-solving techniques, such as counting to ten, taking deep breaths, or using "I" messages, equips them with effective tools to manage their frustration constructively.
Model Calm Behavior: Toddlers are highly observant and tend to mimic the behavior they witness. As caregivers, maintaining a calm demeanor demonstrates how to handle frustration effectively. It is essential to keep our own frustrations in check and respond to their outbursts in a composed and patient manner, providing a positive role model for their emotional growth.
Encourage Emotional Intelligence: Developing emotional intelligence is a lifelong journey, and it is never too early to start. Help toddlers identify and label their emotions by using simple language like happy, sad, or frustrated. Encouraging them to express their emotions verbally helps them become more self-aware and enables them to communicate their feelings effectively in the future.
It's important to remember that occasional frustration is a natural part of the learning process. It provides an opportunity for growth and problem-solving, helping children develop resilience and coping skills.
